Hey, Slow It Down...

We agreed to be honest with each other, didn't we, readers? No? Well, maybe not out loud or in some binding, written contract, but this whole blog is about overcoming all the negative that comes with writing and focusing on the positive, and to that end, I want to be honest with you.

The past couple of weeks I have been STRESSED. I am talking major anxiety. I actually told Erin last night that I feel like negativity is just following me around, like I'm Eeyore and I've got my own little personal storm cloud hovering above my head, everywhere I go. Which is both melodramatic and kind of psycho sounding, but it's really how I feel. I'm kind of a mess, a big ball of frantic worry and paranoia and frustration.

Why? A bunch of things. On the real life side, the choir and band I direct have a few end-of-the-year performances coming up. I have a lot to pay for on the horizon and I'm feeling the money crunch. My teaching schedule has doubled again and not only is it stressful planning more lessons, I'm with large groups of small children a lot more than normal, which is stressful in itself. My masters courses are about to start up again and I feel the work looming over me. 

On the writing side of life, I'm really struggling. I am writing a young adult novel that I personally think is my best work ever, but as much as I believe in it, it's hard to feel justified feeling that way. I'm going to say this honestly and hope I don't sound too whiny with it: It's really hard to feel enthusiastic about your work when you feel like you're the only one who IS enthusiastic about it. 

Don't get me wrong. I know everything I get back from my readers can't be glowing. I know they can't possibly reach my level of enthusiasm, even at their most glowing, because they didn't bring these characters to life. And I also know that most of the lack of enthusiasm isn't on purpose. A lot of the people I usually bounce ideas off of or read my work are really busy right now. It's not that they don't want to read it and spend time telling me that it's awesome, it's that they can't. I am a bona fide feedback whore, and a little encouragement goes a long way into keeping my momentum (and my morale) up, and without that crutch it's hard for me to push myself. (This subject is worth a whole slew of blogs by itself, and I'll do that, I promise.)

So... in essence, writing feels very lonely right now. Combine that with not having the time to write most days, and it's a recipe for a crap ton of stress.

So what can I do to alleviate some of this stress? Well, here are some things that have worked for me, and hopefully they might work for you too. 

1. Do something peaceful to calm yourself down and get some clarity. Take a walk in the woods. Sit still and watch a candle burn. Do a religious ritual. Take a bubble bath while listening to Enya. Do something only for yourself, even if you have other important things to do. Forget them for a half an hour and read indulge.
2. Make a list. To Do lists put things into perspective for me. If To Do lists stress you out even more, then make a list of things that you can do, and things that are out of control. Tear up or burn the list of things that are out of your control because THEY ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. 
3. Get Busy. Nothing will relieve stress like putting some hard work in, and although any type of work will do you some good, if you work on those items on your list from #2, you'll kill two birds. Conquer the small things first, and use that positive energy to propel you into the harder stuff.
4. Let it go. All those things you can't change? Let them go. I know it's hard, but dwelling on it is a waste of time. My orchestra director used to say, "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig." This is so true. Like I said up there, burn a list of these things, or write them down and then put the list away, symbolically putting all of them aside. Or call a friend and bitch about them until you can bitch no more, and then stop thinking about them. If these things don't work, meditate on them, visualize these problems becoming smaller and smaller until they're barely grains of sand in your consciousness.
5. Be your own counselor. Still stressed? Write yourself an encouraging note about something you've done. Leave helpful quotes on mirrors, refrigerator doors, and other places where you'll see them. Reward yourself for an accomplishment, no matter how small. Print out an example of your best writing to pull out and read every time you need to know you've done a good job.
6. Drop it like it's hot. If you're doing something you don't have to do, don't do it. Delegate. Say no when asked to take on other projects. Put off things that can be put off in lieu of more important, more time-sensitive things. And related closely to that...
7. Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Twitter teaches some great life lessons. The best one is that if there's someone on your feed that pisses you off, raises your blood pressure with their opposing viewpoint, or likes to start drama, YOU CAN UNFOLLOW THEM. Unless they're a real life friend, there's no point in keeping them around. And this goes for anything in the world. Unfollow those things that don't matter, yet keep you on edge. That TV show you have to see, so you rush to get everything done before 8pm? It's a source of stress, no matter how much you enjoy it. Stop watching it or Tivo that shit so you can see it when you have time. That blog you just HAVE to read every day? No you don't. It's just a blog. (Oops, did I just lose readers?) Don't read it. The post will still be there in a month, when you have time for it. The scrapbooking/jewelry making/latest novel for your book club that you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW? No you don't. You're a big girl now. The only person making you do these things is yourself. Don't make yourself do them anymore. 

The best part about all of this is that even if you're not enthusiastic now, fake it. Do some of these things and after a while you won't be faking. If nothing else, they totally get the ball rolling.

Phew. Well, I'm feeling better. How about you?

Elizabeth Littman - Who the heck is she?

Are any of you fantasy readers?  Yeah, I imagine you are.  :)

When I was a little girl I was a huge Anne McCaffrey fan.  Read everything she'd written, even the books with a small amount of that adult mojo that an 11 or 12 year old girl really isn't equipped to totally understand.  One of my favorite books was Dragonsinger.  It had all the right kinds of things.  Dragons.  An oppressed young woman who had a super talent that she wasn't allowed to use.  Dragons.  Mean teachers and peer pressure that resulted from that super talent.  Did I mention dragons?

Ever think that if you are going to be a social outcast then you better have a super talent of some kind for a root cause (or maybe for a bonus prize)?  I call it the Super Power Excuse: the cause of a hero feeling out of sync with the world.  If I could pick my life's theme I'd pick that one, complete with Superman soundtrack playing in the background (lately I've been wondering if I'm really Catwoman instead, but it works either way). So if indeed that could be the major theme of my life than I anxiously await the discovery of my super talent.

And while I wait I'm not idle with regards to my own skills.  I'm  working hard.  I figure if you don't have a clear super talent maybe you have to create one for yourself.  So working on my writing and my yoga seems to be the right things for this decade.

In the midst of all that, I found Elizabeth Littman hanging around on the web a bit. She's an illustrator of fantasy books and specifically she drew the covers of Drangonsong and Dragonsinger.  An artistic flash from my childhood! Ahhhhh, the super power of gifting enchantment, offering a fantasy universe in one picture.  That one is hers. 


Today, I got to speak to her on the phone.  She described to me her method.  At the beginning she reads the book she's illustrating.  Bless her for that!  And then she begins drawing.  She gets lost in her work.  Lost lost.  Gone.  She lives in it.  The kids, the bills, the house, the real world vanish and the fantasy world becomes all that there is.  The messes breed new messes, the children feed on Fruit Loops and Poptarts, the utilities get cut off, the pets eat each other but... the work gets done.  I guess this is what it means to be ass over teacup. 

Three months and perhaps 600 plus hours later she has her finished product made of water colors, pen and pencil.  A cover of enchantment!   Her magic is woven into the work of fantasy for each reader to enjoy over and over again.  

We parted from our call with such warm feelings. She gave me an enchanted gift many years ago.  I hope that I gave her a gift as well.  The gift of my wonderful memory of her work that has lasted for 30 years. I hope it inspires her to return to her art more fully now that her children are grown.  And I want to say to all who read here: may you also create a wonder of art that gets your readers lost and may it come from your own lost self.  Get lost and found over and over so that others can lose and find themselves.  Maybe our lives are ass over teacup, but at least we are alive! 

PS - Don't forget to enter the contest here http://assoverteacup.blogspot.com/2011/04/contest-time-erin-needs-new-cup-really.html.  :)  Find a new teacup pattern for Erin!

Contest Extension

We are extending our contest deadline by one week.  New Deadline:  April 29 at midnight.  Thanks so much.  Hope you feel inspired to enter! 

Contest Time! Erin Needs a New Cup Really Bad

Contest!

Win a free copy of:

Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke  [Fire]
On Writing by Stephen King [Earth]
Alchemy: Science of the Cosmos, Science of the Soul by Burkhardt   [Air]
And
Journey to the Heart by Melody Beatie [Water]

Four books - four elements - four ways to write.  Live the alchemy!

If you are interested in this collection of fabulous books just submit a link to a new china pattern for Erin with an explanation of why it will help her out of her dilemma to us in the comments section of this blog.  Make sure your email address is accessible so we can contact you if you win!  Also, winners will be selected based on your explanation more than the pattern you choose so make it a good one!  Contest starts today and concludes next Friday 4/22/11 - Good Friday - at midnight! Winner(s) will be announced May 2, 2011.

Good luck!  May you make Erin laugh her cup right into a better pattern!

Finally Writed

"Oh, GOD, Erin.  What have you done to yourself?"  Laura moaned.

Erin just flailed her arms and legs around miserably like the useless teacup she was.  She was grateful that Laura had not yet asked her what to do because she had no idea and couldn't answer anyway.  She was even more grateful when Laura said, "Well, first thing to do is get you back on your feet.  That much I can be sure of."  And she reached her arms around Erin's brim, tipped her on her side and then rocked her to her bottom. From there she was able to help Erin stand without falling back over again. 

"Honestly, Erin, I should have seen this coming."

But Erin didn't have time to get exasperated by Laura's attitude.  She took one look at herself in the dresser mirror and was mortified.

Laura, being unskilled at reading teacup facial expressions, kept right on talking as though she didn't notice Erin's shock at seeing her cup properly for the first time.   "First of all, your writing had signs all over it of your dissatisfaction with your life.  And all of us have been talking about it. And we all know what happens when life isn't satisfying; something has to give.  No matter how good other things are..."

The idea that her friends were discussing her generally fragile mental and emotional state behind her back would have made her angry on another day, but all Erin could think about was how absurd her cup was.  If she was going to have the nerve to get herself turned into a teacup she could at least be one with a really nice design.  There were so many really gorgeous ones. 

But she was stuck with...

She looked like she had chicken pocks shaped like rosebuds!

(Contest coming in the next post....  prizes:  four books for writers.  Stay tuned.)

Enter Lady Laura the Cup Saver

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Erin? What's going on in there? What are your kids doing downstairs eating pop tarts and watching TV? Shouldn't they be in school? What is going on with you? Are you sick or something?"

Erin thought maybe she had dozed off because she couldn't remember hearing Laura come into the house much less upstairs to her door.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Erin! Open the door; you're scaring me!"

Laura must have been knocking for some time to get so upset. Erin felt bad about upsetting Laura.  She tried to answer but again her mouth could not make any sound. She settled for scraping her hands around on the floor as noisily as possibly. Her arms were pretty flexible and so luckily they managed to move some of the things lying around, most of which were papers from her abandoned manuscript. She also managed to shove three coat hangers, one of her son's discarded toy cars and a shoe. The shoe was loud enough to be heard in the hallway.

"Erin? I heard you; I know you're in there. What's happened to you? Your boys have turned the first floor of the house into a scene from Lord of the Flies.  You aren't having some kind of nervous breakdown or something?  Are you?"

Erin got a firm grip on the shoe at last and stomped it against the floor once very loudly.


Laura was quiet for a moment and then she said, "Stomp once for yes, twice for no. Are you hurt in there?"

Erin considered that.  Was she hurt?  She wasn't really sure.  Certainly she was not herself. 

Stomp, she answered.

"Okay...  do you want me to break in and help you?"

Stomp, she answered again, this time instantly and with as much force as she could muster.

"Okay...  I...  well, I'll try to break in then."  Laura sounded nervous but very soon Erin heard shuffling from the hallway and then running and finally...  BOOM!  Wood trim pieces snapped off the door frame, the lock gave way and Laura came busting through the door, a 5'3" flurry of energy.  She moved fast into the room, her red hair flying back with the wind, her normally mysterious blue eyes fierce and determined, until she crashed noisily against Erin's dresser.

She had barely stopped for a second when she turned to scan the room.  Erin could see Laura's eyes go from determined to confused as she took in the rumpled bed linens and the mess of papers on the floor.  At first she did not seem to be able to focus on Erin.  But finally Laura realized what she was seeing:  Erin, upside down, transformed into a giant teacup, and waving one brown leather shoe around like a flag of surrender.

"What the fuck?" was all Laura managed to say.

Balance and the Beta

Nathan Bransford got me thinking the other day, as he often does. He posted about finding the balance between writing and real life, which of course is always a problem for writers since we tend to live in our heads and shove the real world under the rug. But this led me to think about the process of writing, and more importantly, the process of editing and revising.

When I went to hear Lauren Oliver speak at a bookstore a few months ago, she mentioned that she had learned the importance of knowing when to trust yourself and when to trust your editor or beta. When it was time for the Q&A portion of her talk, I just had to use the opportunity to ask her about that.

"That's a lesson I haven't learned yet as a writer, so I need your advice," I explained.

Truth moment: The voices you hear as a writer define your writing. Not just the voices you hear speaking as characters, but the voices that give their opinions on everything you do. Those voices are the voices of your betas, your other experimental readers, the various blogs you read for advice, agents, teachers, etc. Hell, they can even be your mother's voice.

The problem with that is that these voices can often be negative, hindering, contrary to your own, and downright silencing. And the problem with THAT is that these voices are often the loudest voices you hear. 

But how do you know when to tell all those other voices to be quiet and listen to yourself, and when those other voices are right?

Lauren's answer was helpful. She talked about developing a good relationship with a primary beta who knows your goals, your style, and your capabilities, and won't interfere with those things as they give critique.

Great advice, but what happens when that person gives you advice you don't agree with? Or what happens with that person loves what you wrote, but a couple of other readers didn't?

That's when the idea of balance comes in. Weigh opinions, weigh your feelings on it, consider the sources (of both!) and see which way the scale tips. Here's what I have discovered works best for me:

1. Get to the root of your reaction. - If you had a really negative reaction to the critique, figure out why. Was it because you feel strongly that making the suggested change is a bad idea? Or... is it possible you reacted strongly because you know deep down that your beta is correct?
2. Know your beta. - It's not enough for your beta to know you. You also need to know your beta well enough to know what her tastes are, if she has strong opinions on certain issues, if something in her life affects her reading of the tale... Many factors go into the formation of her opinion. If it's likely that she's the only one who will bristle at it and you like it, leave it in.
3. Same goes for you. - Why, exactly, do you feel so strong about that passage the beta told you to delete? If you're working out some personal issues, even subconsciously, they sometimes cause a pause in the flow of a story. If you're grinding an axe and the character doesn't need to, drop it. It'll do you AND the story some good.
4. Consider the source. - If the critique came from someone other than your beta, ask yourself if this person is really the intended audience of your book. If you're writing a horror story and a reader tells you it's too gory, even though she prefers to read series romance, then why the hell does her opinion matter anyway? She's not going to buy your book when it's on the shelves.
5. Take those preconceptions and shove 'em. - Even the best of us go into reading with expectations, and when the writer fails to meet those expectations, the reader can feel let down and frustrated and it won't matter how brilliant the story was as is. It's human nature. We all want certain things to happen, and when they don't, we get pissed. So really examine what angle your beta is coming from. Does she have a pre-conceived notion that X should have happened instead of Z? But THEN you also have to ask if her opinion is just anger that she didn't get her way or if she may have a point. Did you set it up for one path then take another? (I'm looking at you, Stephenie Meyer). Did her way better serve the purpose of the story? Should you...I don't know...maybe consider her way?
6. Consider the WANT. - You know how badly you want to write, how badly you want to write well, and how badly you want the validation of being published. You know it because it occupies your mind 24/7. But no matter how much your beta loves you, supports you, and wants this for you, she can't possibly know that constant WANT. There are days that she's just not going to be into reading, no matter how brilliantly you've written it. She doesn't feel that never-ending drive that you do to read and pick apart and make better. On those days, BOTH of you need to just step back and wait for critique on another day. And help yourself from the get go - tell your beta as much about the story as you dare to give away before you send anything for critique, and if the story isn't really her thing, find someone else for that one. You might as well not waste your time and hers if she'll never be into it.

Hopefully, those things help you figure out which side of the scale goes down, and which side goes up.

Most importantly, though, do yourself a favor and find a way to counteract the negative. The negative critique may be right, and if so you've got to do what you can to make the story better, but regardless, the negativity adds up. It adds up, and it's loud. So balance that with a few people in your life that love everything you write. Yes men, if you will. Don't rely on them for critique because they won't be the type who can do that for you, but rely on them for a confidence booster whenever you need one. Indulge in that. But... more on those cheerleaders later.

Go. Balance the critiques. Write.